The other day I realized that I’ve been single for almost three years now! Wow! Time flies when you’re busy with college and starting your career!
I figured I’d sit down and write about what I’ve learned by being single in college! I haven’t had a serious relationship since my sophomore year, so I’ve had a lot of time to learn!
I’ve seen a stigma against young women remaining single after they’ve gotten over their last relationship. Ya know, our eggs are drying up even as we speak! Or how can we feel confident without a man supporting us?! Ugh, don’t get me started on the things I’ve been told.
So I wanted to share some positive things that come with being a young single woman! Maybe it’ll make you feel better about being single yourself!
This also totally and completely NOT against people who are in relationships or haven’t been single for a long period of time! Just because I enjoy being single and have learned a lot doesn’t mean you can’t learn these things in other ways or that I believe that being in a relationship is bad.
It’s okay to be imperfect
This is something I still really struggle with, but I’ve learned to face it while being single. While in a relationship I never really focused on myself, I always had someone to tell me I was funny, smart, or beautiful so it was easy to ignore my own flaws.
Being single removes those doting comments that make us feel warm and fuzzy and leaves us alone with our own thoughts and flaws.
When you’re single the rose-colored glasses come off and you’re left with your own terrible jokes, crooked teeth, and lack of knowledge. (Those are my insecurities)
Once the shock wears off though, you start to accept your own imperfections and that acceptance becomes a strength. Once you accept the things you dislike about yourself, other people can’t use those things against you anymore. Insults become a lot less hurtful because you’ve already accepted your own flaws.
Everyone else is imperfect too
Once you realize that it’s okay for yourself to be imperfect you have to accept that other people are imperfect too, it’s only fair!
Being outside of a relationship gives me the chance to interact and connect with a lot of people in a lot of different ways. (No, I’m not talking about hooking up with people…I see you over there)
Being single gives me the time to maintain many friendships and talk to people without worrying about a partner getting jealous.
By interacting with so many different people I’ve realized that we’re all imperfect humans and all have our own struggles.
Love takes many forms
Romantic love is just one type of the many different types of love that we humans have the joy of experiencing.
I feel like many of us are told that we should be completely fulfilled by romantic love and we don’t need to focus on anything else.
I don’t think this is right. Love can come in so many different forms and not just one will help us lead fulfilled lives!
This one took me a long time to learn and accept. I used to think that feeling loved could only come from a partner, but I realized I was wrong when I got my current friend group.
We’ve gone through some terrible stuff together and I am forever thankful for the absolute love I feel from my friends. It’s not all “I Love You’s” and hugs either. One of my friends always sends book references when I’m sad or stressed…that’s love.
You have to work to keep people in your life
Without the whole relationship commitment thing, people can come and go out of your life fairly easily.
I never realized this until I was out of a romantic relationship.
If you want someone in your life, you have to work on it. Reach out to them and follow through on any plans you make.
I’m sure most of you know this already, but it was a hard lesson for me to learn. Maybe that one just happened to coincide with my single years haha and wasn’t caused by my singlehood itself.
Confidence is a skill to work at
Once you’ve accepted your own imperfections the next step is to work on your confidence.
While in relationships, it’s easy to derive confidence from your partner or simply be more confident by having them around. When you don’t have that support, you might not have as much confidence as before.
I learned that confidence is a skill that you need to learn and work on if you want to have any!
Being alone is hard
It’s really heckin’ hard to be alone. Waking up, eating, doing errands, going out, and having fun, it’s all harder when you’re alone.
Yes, you can surround yourself with friends and family but it’s not the same. And it’s really hard sometimes! Most of my friends are in relationships so being the third wheel is common for me.
It’s hard to see friends get engaged, moving in together, and go on dates while I just have myself. I won’t lie to you about that part, it sucks sometimes, but personally, the good outweighs the bad.
Only you can make yourself happy
Another thing I had to learn while being single is that only you can make yourself happy.
You can’t rely on your friends, family, or a partner to provide you with happiness, you have to find that all by yourself.
Being single has given me the time to figure out what truly makes me happy and how to pick myself up when I’m down.
Acceptance is everything
One of the biggest things I’ve learned while single is that acceptance is everything.
Being single itself might be considered taboo or odd for a young woman. Trust me I’ve been told many times that I would be happier in a relationship.
I’ve been accused of trying to steal my friend’s boyfriend from her because she just couldn’t think of another reason why I would choose to remain single. (There was no flirting on either of our parts, she was just crazy)
So acceptance of my choices and how I want to live my life is key in friendships for me now. And I’ve never before been surrounded by such supportive and loving people than I am with my current friends.
Acceptance is everything when you choose to deviate from the norm at all!
Would I date?
Sure! I don’t have anything against being in a relationship but that’s because I’ve given myself the time to figure out what makes me feel happy and fulfilled.
If you had asked me this a year or two ago it would have been a NO because I hadn’t found my own happiness yet. Now that I have, I feel like I can go into a relationship without loosing parts of myself or needing my partner to make me happy.
In the end that’s the most important thing I’ve learned, how to maintain my own happiness and not need to rely on a partner to give it to me.
Have you learned something else by being single? What’s your single girl experiance in college? Let me know in the comments below!